Why do light bulbs have white
coating on them?
Why did Mary own a little lamb?
If a missing person sees their
picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Why cant a baby cry while its
inside its mother?
If the president were gay, would
his husband be the first man?
If you were a genie and a person
asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?
Why are Pringles curved?
What happens if your snot freezes
in your nose?
Why aren't safety pins as safe
as they say they are?
If overalls are held up by the
snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?
Why is it that its good to score
under par in golf but its bad to be under par in any thing else?
Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be
dead?
Why do people say, "You can't
have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?
Can bald men get lice??
How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?
Do movie producers still say lights,
camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the
ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why is Charlie short for Charles
if they are both the same number of letters?
Why is snow white and ice clear?
Aren't they just different forms of water?
Why do they put the names of football
teams on baseball caps?
If I had my legs amputated, would
I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents
to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?
How come only car keys are the
only keys with teeth on both sides?
Since bread is square, then why
is sandwich meat round?
Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas
when there is only one day of Christmas?
When something's funny why is
it called a "knee-slapper" when you actually slap your thigh?
Why is it that when babies are
born they only weigh like 7 lbs yet the mom weighs 30 lbs more?
Since a running back runs forward,
why is he called a running back?
If you die and you have a broken
leg do they take the cast off?
Is sign language the same in languages
other than English?
Why is "number" abbreviated as
"no"? When there is no "o" in number?
Why do they call the small candy
bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?
Do the security guards at airports
have to go through airport security when they get to work?
Why do we teach kids that violence
is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Who gets to keep the pennies in
a wishing well?
If you went back in time and killed
your mother would you disappear the moment you killed her?
If money doesn't grow on trees
then why do banks have branches?
Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY"
Kong if he's a monkey?
If a bunch of cats jump on top
of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
How important does a person have
to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Do the air bubbles that are created
when you fart in water, smell when they pop?
When a boy is named after his
dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl
that is named after her mother?
Just what was the "Baby On Board"
sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?
Does Hawaiian Punch come from
Hawaii?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and
you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
Can you cry under water?
If all of the Acme stuff doesn't
work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products?
364 days of the year, parents
tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on
Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that ?
Why is it when we laugh in school
the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
Why do you have to "put your two
cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's
that extra penny going too ?
Why do people call it an ATM machine,
but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?
Why do people say PIN number when
that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?
Why is Christmas colors red and
green when Santa's suit is red and white?
Why do you DELETE something on
the computer, but ERASE something on paper?
Since there is a rule that states
"i" before "e" except after "c", wouldn't "science" be spelled wrong?
If the S.W.A.T team comes to your
house and breaks down your door, do they replace it later?
If the handicapped bathrooms are
for people who cant walk why do they put them at the end
of the bathrooms ?
Why is it that on the back of
a medicine bottle it says "adult" is 12 and above, but the adult age in reality is 18?
Why do most people put more effort
into their wedding than their actual marriage?
Why do dogs walk around in circles
before lying down?
Can a metal plate in your head
get rusted?
Do stuttering people stutter when
they're thinking to themselves?
If the day before a holiday is
called Christmas Eve, is the day after Christmas Adam?
Once you're in heaven, do you
get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
How come you can kill a deer and
put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep them as a pet?
What do vegetarians feed their
dogs?
Can someone give up lent for lent?
Why would Dodge make a car called
Ram?
Why does a round pizza come in
a square box?
Why is it when we duck they call
us chicken?
Why is there a size 12-14, 14-16,
16-18, and so forth, but no 13, 15, and 17?
What did cured ham actually have?
If CDs were spun in the opposite
direction, would it say everything backwards?
If lava melts rock, wouldnt the
lava melt the volcano?
If a man has no fingers, can he
press charges?
Can a blind man see his future?
Are children who use sign language
allowed to talk with their mouth full?
Why does a round pizza come in
a square box?
Why do people say, "you've been
working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?
Can you write in pencil on an
eraser?
How is it that we put man on the
moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that when we are humming
and then we plug our nose, our humming stops? Do people really hum through their nose, or their mouths?
Can you blow a balloon up under
water?
Can crop circles be square?
How do they get the air inside
the bubble wrap?
Why are there black lines on a
basketball?
If we had a president that was
a woman, would her husband be the first man?
Why do we have to wait till the
water starts boiling before we can put pasta into the water?
If a criminal turns himself in
shouldn't he get the reward money?
Why are blue Christmas lights
so popular? Aren't red and green the traditional colors?
Why do police officers wear tight
clothes and dressy shoes? wouldn't that make them slower when chasing someone?
If London Bridge is standing why
is there a song about it falling down?
Why is it that people say they
"slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why do birds bob their heads when
they walk?
Why is it when we ask for the
check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?
How come wine and hard liquor
doesn't come in cans, but beer does?
When lightning strikes the ocean
why don't all the fish die?
If people say if you eat dessert
before dinner it will ruin your appetite wont eating dinner before dessert ruin your appetite for dessert?
Why do they call him a Skipper
when he just stands there?
Why does "lake" come first (Lake
Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?
If a deaf person has to go to
court, is it still called a hearing?
If I raise the volume on my radio,
does it use more electricity?
What would happen if: Everyone
was to flush their toilet at the same time?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop
glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
If you died on the International
Dateline, and half of you were on 1 side and the other half on the other side, what day would you die?
If someone crashes his or her
car on purpose, why is it still a car accident?
If people with one arm go to get
their nails done, do they pay half price?
If the weather man says "it's
a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
If you drink Pepsi at work in
the Coke factory, will they fire you?
If Sunday is the holy day of rest
why do we have to get up early for church?
When you snap your fingers, does
the sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand?
Why are you IN a movie, but your
ON TV?
Can't anybody who has a job go
in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldnt they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
Why do people pay to go up tall
buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
What is the parking situation
like at the Special Olympics?
If the police see some one committing
a crime but are on there way to investigate a crime do they stop or go to the one they were on their way to?
Seeing as cupid is so good at
matchmaking, does he have a girlfriend?
Is an alcoholic just a drunk that's
scared of a hangover?
If shampoo comes in so many colors,
why is the lather on your head always white?
If a table is propped up can it
be propped down?
If our planet is inhabited with
creatures made by God...is it possible that there's another planet inhabited with creatures made by the Devil?
Why do they put Canadian bacon
on Hawaiian Pizza?
How come, in the Mini Wheats commercials,
Sweets has a Brooklyn accent and Wheats has an English accent? They're attached at the back, wouldn't they have been raised in the same place?
Why do people, such as S.W.A.T
or Seals wear the bulletproof vests where you can see them? Wouldnt people aim for their head or crotch?
If you don't pay your exorcist,
do you get repossessed?
How come stealing from one book
is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?
Can you fart and burp at the same
time?
How come we choose from just two
people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Have you ever heard of a raisin
that is not dry?
If two identical twin brothers
married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
If your glove is too big, does
it still fit like a glove?
Is it possible to scream at the
bottom of your lungs?
Since you have to pull over when
you see a funeral coming down the road...what would you do
if there were a funeral coming down both sides?
If you can test drive cars at
the dealer's, why not test-drive lawnmowers around at a hardware store?
Is there anything easier done
than said?
Is it possible for a narcoleptic
to have insomnia?
Since the U.S. says United We
Stand, does that offend legless people?
If no one buys a ticket to a movie,
does the movie still play?
Are you able to fart in heaven?
Why isn't sour cream really sour?
Do they re-use body bags? Or do
they throw them away and get new ones? The people using them wouldnt care anyway?
Why isnt the Q or the Z included
on the phone
Why do doctors leave the room
while you change? Theyre going to see you naked anyway?
If a 911 operator has a heart
attack, whom does he/she call?
Do ducks sneeze?
Why is that when fish die in water,
they float to the top, but when humans die in water, they sink to the bottom?
Dont you find it weird we teach
our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?
Why do they call it "morning sickness"
in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you know there is a page 666
in The Bible?
If money is the root of all evil
then how come churches ask for it?
Can vampires donate blood?
If a fire truck was on its way
to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?
If you could walk through the
walls, wouldnt you fall through the floor?
How come when you go in the front
door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of the church?
If your named Will and you are
in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?
Why is there an L in NOEL?
If you eat regular rice crispies
with chocolate milk will it taste the same as eating co-co crispies with regular milk?
Why is Bra singular and Panties
plural?
What are those little things on
the end of your shoelaces called?
When you open a new bag of cotton
balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
If they develop a supersonic train,
will they give it a whistle?
Do fish ever get thirsty?
Why can't we sneeze with our eyes
open?
If there were a knowledge contest,
would the female winner be called Miss Informed?
If you stick on stickers on non-stick
pans, would they stick on?
Why don't ducks duck when you
shoot at them?
On a hamburger bun, why is the
top bun always bigger than the bottom one?
Why does breaking a mirror mean
seven years of bad luck when seven is a lucky number??
Can angels eat devils food cake?
If I think, and therefore I am,
am I just a thought?
If ignorance is bliss, why arent
more people happy?
Why do the numbers on the phone
go one way, but the numbers on the calculator go the other way?
Why do we tie shoes to the back
of a car for newly weds?
Is it possible to do stand-up
comedy sitting down?
Is bad a bad word?
If dinosaurs had sores.........what
would they be called?
What does the T in T-Shirt really
mean?
Why does the label on childrens
Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles when it's for CHILDREN!?
Why do they call front seat shotgun?
Why are all farms red?
Do bald men wash their head with
soap or shampoo?
Why is there not a Channel 1 on
TV?
Why are there dents in a golf
ball?
Why are the obituaries found in
the "living" section of the newspaper?
How can someone be dirt poor,
and another be filthy rich?
When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together,
it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?
What would happen if u put a humidifier
and a dehumdifier in the same room?
Are one handed people offended
when police tell them to put their hands up?
If you built a time machine with
all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use dissapear because they didn't exist then?
How can sweet and sour sauce be
sweet and sour at the same time?
Do cemetery workers prefer the
graveyard shift?
If a stealth bomber crashes in
a forest, will it make a sound?
If you get cheated by the Better
Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
Why do black olives come in cans
and green olives come in jars
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
If a picture is worth a thousand
words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
If all the nations in the world
are in debt, where did all the money go?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky,
then what happened to the rabbit?
What happens to an 18 hour bra
after 18 hours?
What if you're in hell, and you're
mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
Why is it considered necessary
to nail down the lid of a coffin?
When sign makers go on strike,
is anything written on their signs?
What do mermaids eat?
If your plan is having no plan,
do you have a plan?
If the energizer bunny attacks
someone, is he charged with battery?
If anything's possible, then is
it possible that nothing's possible?
Is atheism is a non-prophet organization?
If a baseball is hit out of the
stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?
If a policecar, an ambulance,
a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right away?
Why are all farms red? why
are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?
Are there female leprechauns?
Do judges and lawyers do jury
duty?
Do fish sleep?
Would it be possible for a solar
car to travel faster then the speed of light?
Isn't it scary that the word "therapist"
is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?
Do sheep get static cling when
they rub against one another?
On a telephone, why does ABC start
on the number 2 and not 1?
Do pigs pull ham strings?
Do dumped farmers get John Deere
letters?
Why do radio operators say "niner"
instead of just "nine"?
Why do people say heads up when
you should duck?
Why did Superman wear his briefs
on the outside of his tights?
Does anyone actually kill two
birds with one stone?
Why do they call the clock where
you punch your time card called a "time" clock? Aren't all clocks "time" clocks?
Why does blow and suck mean the
same thing when we describe something being crap?
Can dogs have dog days?
When a male is elected president
and his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president?
If you are born on February 29
of a leap year, when is your birthday?
Do birds pee?
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket
or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why do they call it 2% milk, if
its 2% fat, not milk?
What do you say when someone says
you're in denial, but you're not?
If you had x-ray vision, but closed
your eyes, could you still see?
Have you ever thought what life
would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?
If a water spins clockwise when
it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?
If you own a piece of land and
there is an volcano on it and it ruins a nearby town, do you have to pay for the property damage?
If you have x-ray vision, and
you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
If it is a 50 mph per hour wind
and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?
Why does "closing up" a shop and
"closing down" a shop mean the same thing?
Why do they call them "Animal
Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies?
How many licks does it take to
get to the center of a tootsie pop?
How do you throw away a garbage
can?
Why in baseball is it called the
World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?
Why do old men have hair in their
ears?
Why are things typed up but written
down?
Why does caregiver and caretaker
mean the same thing?
In some books, why do they have
blank pages at the very end?
If you were on a plane going the
speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
If the universe is expanding,
what is it expanding into?
What does OK actually mean? what
does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
Why do we feel blue? and what
color does a smurf feel when they are down?
Why can't you eat pancakes for
dinner?
Why do donuts have holes?
Why don't you hear thunder with
heat lightning?
Do the different "M&M's"®
colors taste different?
If your born at exactly midnight
is your birthday on both those days?
If you're caught "between a rock
and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
If one man says, "it was an uphill
battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why is it you can walk down a
road, even if it goes uphill?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not
"hi hi"?
Can blind people be dyslexic when
they read Braille?
How do you handcuff a one-armed
man?
Why do the call the angel of death
an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle
dry up?
If Luke took a bath, would the
water be lukewarm?
If an anarchist group attained
political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?
If you decide that you're indecisive,
which one are you?
Why is it we have the weight of
the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
Why does everyone speak different
languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?
Why do they call it a RUNNING
BACK when he is running forward?
If you tell someone they are being
judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?
Why do they call it your "bottom",
when it's really in the middle of your body?
How come no matter what color
the liquid is the froth is always white?
Why do British people never sound
British when they sing?
Why do they call them guidance
counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?
Why do they call it "head over
heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse
in the Car Pool lane?
Why is the name of the phobia
for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
If someone can't see, they're
blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
How do they get those boats in
those glass bottles?
Why would superman want to leap
over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
Why is it called a TV set when
there is only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today
and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
How did the headless horseman
know where he was going?
Why do they call it an escalator
if it takes you down?
Why is it called football when
you hardly use your feet?
How come some Little Debbie snack
cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?
Do cows drink milk?
Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?
If a person owns a piece of land
do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Since we see little birdies when
we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??
What is a male ladybug called?
Why are semi-trucks bigger than
regular trucks?
Why is an alarm clock going "off"
when it actually turns on?
If you wore a teflon suit, could
you ever end up in a sticky situation?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
If you mated a bull dog and a
shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
Why are they called stairs inside
but steps outside?
Does the President have to pay
taxes?
Why do they put "for indoor or
outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?
If Dracula has no reflection,
how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?
If an ambulance is on its way
to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Why is Grape Nuts cereal called
that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one
cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Isn't it kind of ominous to put
your tax returns in the mail box and put up the little red flag?
What ever happened to an E grade?
We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
Why is there a light in the fridge
and not in the freezer?
Don't you find it worrying that
doctors call treating you their "practice" ?
Do they have the word "dictionary"
in the dictionary?
What do you call a female daddy
long legs?
If croutons are stale bread, why
do they come in airtight packages?
Why can't women put on mascara
with their mouth closed?
If a transport truck carrying
a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
In France do people just ask for
toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?
Why is it called a "drive through"
if you have to stop?
Why does mineral water that has
"trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods,
would someone else make a sound ?
Why are SOFTballs hard?
Do vampires get AIDS?
Why do toasters always have a
setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why are they called goose bumps?
Do geese get people bumps?
Why is it that lemon dishsoap
is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
If you stole a pen from a bank
then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
Is French kissing in France just
called kissing?
Why can magicians make things
disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
Why is it that rain drops but
snow falls?
Why is the third hand on the watch
called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the
slowest traffic called rush hour?
Who was the first person to look
at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
What do people in China call their
good plates?
Can you sentence a homeless man
to house arrest?
If feathers tickle people, do
they tickle birds?
Does a postman deliver his own
mail?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes
include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
If the professor on Giligan's
Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why doesn't a chicken egg taste
like chicken?
Why is it that cargo is transported
by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
Does peanut butter really have
butter in it?
Do mimes watch silent movies?
Is the fear of flying groundless?
Why do people say "You scared
the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?
Why do people point to their wrist
when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the
room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?
If somebody vanished without a
trace, how do people know they are missing?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why is it called pineapple, when's
there neither pine nor apple in it?
Why is it called eggplant, when
there's no egg in it?
Why do people never say "it's
only a game" when they're winning?
What was the best thing before
sliced bread?
Why do birds have white poop?
Can good looking Eskimo girls
be called hot?
Why is an elevator still called
an elevator even when its going down?
Why is an electrical outlet called
an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
If love is blind, how can we believe
in love at first sight?
If you accidentally ate your own
tongue, what would it taste like?
Do sore thumbs really stick out?
Why is it when your almost dead
your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house?
Why do we scrub Down and wash
Up?
What's the opposite of opposite?
If Practice makes perfect, and
nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Why are toe nail clippers bigger
than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?
Is the opposite of "out of whack"
"in whack"
If you try to fail and succeed,
what did you just do?
Why does Goofy stand erect while
Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why is the blackboard green?
Why do they call it a black light
when it's really purple?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of
8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
What do you call male ballerinas?
How come the sun makes your skin
darker but your hair lighter?
If you dig a tunnel straight through
the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
Did they have antiques in the
olden days?
Are zebras black with white stripes,
or white with black stripes?
If Pringles are "so good that
once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
What came first, the fruit or
the color orange?
Where does the white go when the
snow melts?
Can blind people see their dreams?
If there's an exception to every
rule, is there an exception to that rule?
Why do you click on start to exit
Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever wondered why Trix
are only for kids?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do most cars have speedometers
that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Why do they call it "getting your
dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
If Wile Coyote had enough money
for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If masochists like to torture
themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist? why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
If when people freak out they
are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
Aren't you tired of people asking
you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
Why is a person that handles your
money called a BROKER?
Why do we leave expensive cars
in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage? why
do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?
What happens if someone loses
a lost and found box?
Why do they call it taking a dump?
Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
What if the hokey-pokey really
is what it's all about?
Where in the nursery rhyme does
it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
If quizzes are quizzical then
what are tests?
Why do they sterilize needles
for lethal injections?
Why do banks leave the door wide
open but the pens chained to the counter?
What would happen if an Irresistible
Force met an Immovable Object?
What's the difference between
a wise man and a wise guy?
If Americans throw rice at weddings,
do the Chinese throw hamburgers? how can you chop down a
tree and then chop it up?
How can you hear yourself think?
If corn oil is made from corn,
and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful
man?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool
car hot?
How come thaw and unthaw mean
the same thing?
If The Flintstones were B.C. and
before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
If a Man is talking in the forest
and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why is it that when a person tells
you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? if you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
Why is it you get a penny for
your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
If electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from morons?
If the speed of movement is slower
than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light? why
do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's
girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
How can something be new and improved?
if it's new, what was it improving on?
Is Disney world the only people
trap operated by a mouse?
Why did they name that underwear
company fruit of the loom?
Why do grocery stores buy so many
checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open? why
do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full
effect of alphabet soup?
How does Santa get into a house
that doesn't have a chimney?
If you get cheated by the better
business bureau, who do you complain to?
If you're in hell, and are mad
at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What would Geronimo say if he
jumped out of an airplane?
What would Cheese say if they
got their picture taken? why are turds pinched off at the
end?
I know you can be overwhelmed,
and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
If Barbie is so popular, then
why do you have to buy her friends?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel
when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
If you take an oriental person
and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
How come overtones and undertones
are the same thing?
What would you use to dilute water?
What should one call a male ladybird?
How can military troops be deployed
if they have never been ployed to begin with?
If you lived in Siberia and you
wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
Why do they call it an asteroid
when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
If a cow laughed real hard, would
milk come out her nose?
Before they invented drawing boards,
what did they go back to?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can atheists get insurance for
acts of God?
Do you need a silencer if you
are going to shoot a mime?
Can I get arrested for running
into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Could someone ever get addicted
to counseling?
If so, how could you treat them?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Did the early settlers ever go
on a camping trip?
Did you ever notice when you blow
in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car,
he sticks his head out the window!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much
as adults enjoy adultery?
Do Lipton employees take coffee
breaks?
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's
as 4's?
Does the little mermaid wear an
algebra?
Does the Postmaster General need
a stamp of approval?
Have you ever imagined a world
with no hypothetical situations?
How can overlook and oversee be
opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can the weather be hot as
hell one day and cold as hell another?
How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
How come Superman could stop bullets
with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you press harder on a
remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross
at that yellow road sign?
How do you know when yogurt goes
bad?
How do you know when you're out
of invisible ink?
How does a shelf salesman keep
his store from looking empty?
How does the guy who drives the
snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How fast do you have to go to
keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
How is it possible to have a civil
war?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can
they garnish his wages?
If a stealth bomber crashes in
a forest, will it make a sound?
If a tree falls in the forest
and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a tree fell on a mime in the
forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell,
is he homeless or naked?
If a woman can be a meter maid,
can a man be a meter butler?
If all the world is a stage, where
is the audience sitting?
If an orange is orange, why isn't
a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If God dropped acid, would he
see people?
How many people thought of the
Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
How much deeper would the ocean
be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day,
365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If 75% of all accidents happen
within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
If a book about failures doesn't
sell, is it a success?
If a bus station is where a bus
stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If a case of the clap spreads,
is it then considered a case of the applause?
If a cat always lands on its feet,
and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If a chronic liar tells you he
is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a dog sweats through his tongue,
why does he have armpits?
If you were traveling at the speed
of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
If a mute child swears, does his
mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell,
is he homeless or naked?
If all those psychics know the
winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge,
would they call it Fed UP?
If inert is to be stationary,
what is ert?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one
cares, why does he keep doing it?
If knees were backwards, what
would chairs look like?
If love is blind, why is lingerie
so popular?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON,
how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If olive oil comes from olives,
where does baby oil come from? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If people from Poland are called
Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If pro is the opposite of con,
is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never win, and winners
never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If soap is used to make you clean,
why does it leave a scum?
If someone has a mid-life crisis
while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone invented instant water,
what would they mix it with?
If someone with multiple personalities
threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation? If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular,
why's it still #2?
If the cops arrest a mime, do
they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks
someone, is it charged with battery?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines
were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the funeral procession is at
night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If vegetarians eat vegetables,
what do humanitarians eat?
If white wine goes with fish,
do white grapes go with sushi?
If women ran the Pentagon, would
missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If women wear a pair of pants,
a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta,
would you still be hungry?
If you bear a child, why do you
have a cow?
If you can read the marking, isn't
that end already up?
If you can't drink and drive,
why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
If you dive into a pool of dry
ice, can you swim without getting wet?
If you got into a taxi and he
started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
If you have a bunch of odds and
ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If you have a friend who works
for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If you have an open mind why don't
your brains fall out?
If you have your finger touching
the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's
Law, will something keep going wrong?
If you play a blank tape at full
volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
If you put freeze-dried coffee
in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you spend your day doing nothing,
how do you know when you're done?
If you steal a clean slate, does
it go on your record?
If you take a shower, where do
you put it?
If you throw a cat out a car window
does it become kitty litter?
If you try to fail, and succeed,
which have you done?
If you're cross-eyed and have
dyslexia can you read correctly?
If you're traveling at the speed
of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
Instead of talking to your plants,
if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it progress if a cannibal learns
to eat with a fork?
Is it true that cannibals don't
eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is there a Dr. Salt?
Isn't hot water already hot?
Can you grow birds by planting
birdseed?
Just before someone gets nervous,
do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
Should crematoriums give discounts
for burn victims?
Should vegetarians eat animal
crackers?
Shouldn't it be called a "near
hit"?
Shouldn't it be some things in
moderation?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word
for "monosyllabic"?
There are 24 hours in a day, and
24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What came first the chicken or
the egg?
What color is a chameleon on a
mirror?
What color would a smurf turn
if you choked it?
What did we do before the Law
of Gravity was passed?
What do little birdies see when
they get knocked unconscious?
What do sheep count when they
can't sleep?
What do you do when you see an
endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What does it mean if you break
a mirror with a rabbits foot?
What hair color do they put on
the driver's license of a bald man?
What happened to the first 6 ups?
What happens if you get scared
half to death twice?
What happens when you call a 1-800
number collect?
What is a free gift?
Aren't all gifts free?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What is the speed of dark?
What part of the monkey do you
use a monkey wrench on?
What should you do when you see
an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
What's another word for synonym?
When blind people go to the bathroom,
how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When people lose weight, where
does it go?
When sign makers go on strike,
is anything written on their signs?
When vultures are on their deathbed,
are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
When you open a bag of cotton
balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When your pet bird sees you reading
the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
When you're sending someone styrofoam,
what do you pack it in?
Where are Preparations A through
G?
Where do forest rangers go to
"get away from it all"?
Who invented accents?
Whose cruel idea was it for the
word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are builders afraid to have
a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas
stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are the cabs from the Yellow
Cab Company painted orange?
Why are there never any artist's
materials in a drawing room?
Why are there flotation devices
under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways
in Hawaii?
Why are they called 'stands' when
they're made for sitting?
Why are we afraid of falling?
Shouldn't we be afraid of the
sudden stop?
Why aren't there bulletproof pants?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell
Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop?
Won't they all stop eventually?
Why do bars advertise live bands?
What does a dead band sound like?
Why do fat chance and slim chance
mean the same thing?
If your feet smell and your nose
runs, are you built upside down?
Why do guys wear underpants?
Why do people who only eat natural
foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
Why do they call it disposable
douche?
Is there a kind of douche you
keep after using?
Why do they call them "apartments"
when they are all stuck together?
Why do they put Braille dots on
the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they report power outages
on TV?
Why do they sell a pound cake
that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we drive on parkways and
park on driveways?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we play in recitals and
recite in plays?
Why do we put suits in a garment
bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to
the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't
we clean when we use them?
Why does "slow down" and "slow
up" mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off"
when it begins ringing?
Why does flammable and inflammable
mean the same thing?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound
like what it is?
Why don't you ever hear about
gruntled employees?
Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
Why is a person who plays the
piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is a women's prison called
a penal colony?
Why is it called a "building"
when it is already built?
Why is it called a bust, when
it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called a TV "set" when
you only get one?
Why is it called 'after dark',
when it is really after light?
Why is it so hard to remember
how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that when you're driving
and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it when a door is open
it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
Why is it when two planes almost
hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Why is it, whether you sit up
or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than
his dog Pluto?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is
it because of that song?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so
long?
Don't you have to get up to get
to the tape?
Why is there an expiration date
on SOUR cream?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies
Commission?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled
the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the
way it sounds?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored
cat food?
Would a fly without wings be called
a walk?
You know how most packages say
"Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
After eating, do amphibians have
to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
You know that little indestructible
black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Are there seeing eye humans for
blind dogs?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
Have ex-locomotive engineers been
derailed?
Have ex-mathematicians become
dysfunctional?
Have ex-punsters been expunged?
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